Growing The Relationship between Pastor and Associate

AN OPPORTUNITY FOR RELATIONAL IMPACT

The relationship between a pastor and their associate is crucial.

The pastor acts as the spiritual leader, guiding the congregation in their spiritual growth, while the associate supports and assists in the daily operations and spiritual growth of the parish.

However, in my experience, not all associate relationships with the pastor go particularly well. These relationships can often be very complicated for a number of different reasons.

Even when things are in a great place, issues still tend to arise from time to time.

Remember that this is a normal part of any relationship. But it's also essential to address these challenges head-on and work towards finding a healthy way forward.

In this post, we'll explore how pastors and associates can invest in their relationships to maximize their impact and unpack how to create stronger, more collaborative leadership environments within the parish. We'll talk about building trust and finding common ground, embracing your unique giftings, and healthily working through issues.

Because let's face it:

Disagreements and miscommunication are going to happen. It's a part of any relationship!

But by understanding and embracing the unique ways God has gifted each of us as individuals, we can work together to achieve tremendous success in our mission to serve and lead the communities we’ve been called to serve.

THE ROLE OF A FATHER

The role of the father in the church, much like in a family, is to guide and support the growth of individuals within the community.

When it comes to the pastor-associate relationship, this includes fostering an environment that allows the associate to make mistakes, learn from those experiences and become a stronger leader as a result.

Pastors should act as mentors and guides to their associates while also providing them the freedom to make their own decisions, take ownership of their actions and learn from their experiences. By doing this, a pastor can help their associate become more effective in their roles and, ultimately, have a greater impact on the parish.

One of the most practical ways pastors can do this is by allowing their associates the space and safety to make mistakes.

It's important to keep in mind that mistakes are a natural part of growth and learning.

When you create an environment where associates feel comfortable taking risks and trying new things, you allow them to expand their capacity. By providing guidance and support, pastors can help their associates navigate challenges and become stronger leaders!

Of course, this is a process. Trust takes time to develop!

But when associates are given the space they need to grow, without the fear of what happens if they mess up, it allows them to rise to the challenge, grow in their leadership, and become more effective in their roles!

Ultimately, this leads to them having a greater impact on the community within your parish. That's what makes us stronger as leaders!

It's often the lessons we learn on our own that hold the most profound memory for us.

Pastors: Allow your team the space & safety to mess up.

When associates feel supported by a leader who has their back, they’re much more likely to bring all of themselves to the table, knowing it’s safe to do so.

EMBRACE YOUR GIFTINGS & INVEST IN GROWING TRUST

Trust plays a crucial role in building a strong pastor and associate relationship. Trust allows for open communication, understanding, and the ability to let go of certain ideas or perspectives to work together for the betterment of the parish.

In episode 96 of the leadership podcast, Fr. Sammie Maletta shared his experience working alongside his associate, Fr. Declan.

Fr. Sammie & Fr. Declan are quite different in their leadership styles and approach.

During our conversation, Fr. Sammie shared the question he asks himself when a team member shares a vision for something that he doesn’t necessarily understand or see eye-to-eye with.

He says to himself "Is there anything about this that could be helpful?"

This question can often lead to a realization that the team member is doing just fine, their ideas are good, and it’s maybe not necessary to push back.

By taking the time to evaluate what could be helpful or useful and letting go of the parts that make him uncomfortable, he can re-evaluate the feelings and thoughts inside of himself and put them on the table against that trust and chemistry!

I love that way of reflecting and self-evaluating!

It’s a great exercise in letting go and giving your team the space they need to lead as their most authentic selves!

With that trust in place, they can work together to achieve a greater impact for the parish.

But it's important to understand that trust doesn’t happen overnight! It’s something that needs to be constantly nurtured and cultivated.

By investing in that trust, the pastor and associate can create a powerful dynamic that benefits the parish and the community in incredibly profound ways!

FINAL THOUGHTS FOR BOTH PASTORS AND ASSOCIATES

The pastor and associate relationship is a critical component of a thriving parish.

It requires that both the pastor and the associate be intentional about collaborating to maximize their effectiveness and impact.

Pastors and associates need to have open and honest conversations to define what success looks like, how they can best work together and support one another, and what their expectations and working styles are.

This allows you to begin building trust and appreciation for one another and likely prevents a whole lot of frustration and misunderstanding!

Embrace what makes you both unique as individuals, and celebrate the different ways God has gifted you.

When you can do this successfully, you experience the joy of living out your calling to its full potential.

As leaders, we’re called to serve and lead the community God has placed around us.

It's important that we continually strive to get our ego out of the way as we fix our eyes on the greater mission and the impact we’ve been called to have on our communities.

But keep in mind that trust takes time.

It won’t be built overnight, and it requires constant nurturing and cultivation.

When you spend the time required to build a firm foundation of trust, the pastor-associate relationship becomes a powerful dynamic that benefits the parish in incredibly significant ways.

As a final word of encouragement, don't waste any opportunities to grow, be intentional and invest in the relationships that God has placed around you!

By doing so, you’ll be better equipped to lead and serve your community as God intended.

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This blog post is adapted from a written transcript of Episode 96 of the Ron Huntley Leadership Podcast with Ron Huntley, Fr. Sammie Maletta & Fr. Declan McNicholas.

Watch the full conversation on YouTube: Growing the Pastor-Associate Relationship | Ron Huntley Leadership Podcast

A Note to Associate Priests:

I’d love for you to join me & a group of other associates for a monthly roundtable discussion where we dive deep into the unique challenges that can arise during this time in your ministry. The roundtable is intended to help you make the most out of this season of your priesthood and maximize your growth before getting to the big seat someday.

Because, the truth is, it's way harder than you think it is when you get in that big seat. So don't waste any opportunities between now and then to grow, be intentional and take responsibility for this season and this opportunity in your life!

If you’d like to learn more, head to ronhuntley.com/associate-priests for all the details and to sign up. I hope to see you there!